It happened at our local Five Below—one of our usual stops. This time it was just me and my almost five-year-old daughter. We were picking out goodie bag items, checked out, and headed to the car.
As I started to back out (I still don’t trust backup cameras), I glanced back and saw her pulling a piece of candy from her pocket and putting it in her mouth. At first, I didn’t think much of it—my kids always have snacks—but then I paused. Wait… where did that come from?
I put the car in park and asked her. What followed was immediate denial, then anger, then tears. I had a quick internal spiral (“what kind of parent lets this happen?, how should i handle this?”), and I jumped into action mode. My clinical mind told me that this was probably situation where she really didn’t understand that the loose candy in the open bin was for purchase, so I didn’t have a concern about moral development, although she did know to conceal it in her pocket and not show it to me. Despite that, I wanted her to know that as her mother I would take this seriously and make a wrong into a right.
I chose to take her back inside to repair the situation. I explained, simply, that taking something without paying isn’t okay, and that we were going to fix it together. She was scared and didn’t want to talk to the employee, so we agreed I would do the talking and she would say “sorry.”
We went back in, found the manager, and explained what happened. My daughter apologized. I offered to pay, but the manager kindly let it go. We left—both a little shaken, but okay.
On the way home, she asked me not to tell her brothers or dad. I told her I wouldn’t tell her brothers, but we would tell her dad together—which we did later that day. And then we moved on.
Afterward, I couldn’t help but second-guess myself. So I turned to Becky Kennedy and her “Good Inside” approach.
Her perspective reframed everything:
- Stealing isn’t a character flaw—it’s a skill gap.
Young kids often struggle with impulse control and don’t yet know how to handle strong wants. - Behavior is a clue, not a verdict.
The goal isn’t punishment—it’s teaching.
What stood out most to me:
- Stay calm (even when you want to react)
- Connect before correcting
- Be clear: “We don’t take things that aren’t ours”
- Focus on repair, not shame
- Remind your child: you’re a good kid who made a mistake
Looking back, I’m not sure I handled it perfectly—but I do feel good that we:
- stayed connected
- made it right
- and didn’t turn it into a defining moment about who she is
Instead, it became a moment about what she’s learning.
I’d love to hear—how would you have handled this? Email me at leigh@thintuitivecounselinggroup.com.
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