When Grief Has No Clear Ending

Unfortunately, I’m at a time in my life when many of my friends are dealing with ambiguous grief.  Friends are caring for parents with Alzheimer’s disease and watching pieces of the person they once knew slowly disappear. Others are navigating infertility and grieving the family they imagined. Some are experiencing estrangement from parents, siblings, or adult children and mourning relationships that are complicated, unfinished, and still deeply painful.

These experiences have something important in common: they are forms of ambiguous grief, also called ambiguous loss.

Family therapist and researcher Pauline Boss, who coined the term, describes ambiguous loss as a loss that lacks clarity or closure. Unlike grief after a death, there is often no clear beginning, ending, or socially recognized mourning process. A loved one may be physically present but psychologically changed, as with dementia, or physically absent but emotionally present, as in estrangement, divorce, or infertility.

As Boss writes, “The greatest tragedy of ambiguous loss is that it remains unclear.”

Signs of Ambiguous Grief

People experiencing ambiguous grief often describe:

• Feeling stuck between hope and sadness
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
• Guilt, anger, helplessness, or emotional exhaustion
• Anxiety and chronic stress
• Isolation or feeling misunderstood by others
• A sense that they should “move on” even though the loss continues

Because there is no clear resolution, people often question whether they are “allowed” to grieve at all. The answer is yes. These losses are real, and the grief they create is real.

What Would Your Therapist Say?

We at Intuitive Counseling want to give you some tips for coping with this type of loss.

The goal of coping with ambiguous grief is not necessarily to find closure. In fact, Pauline Boss reminds us that “closure is a myth.” Instead, healing often involves learning to live with uncertainty while making space for both sorrow and hope.

Some helpful strategies include:

• Name the experience. Simply recognizing, “This is ambiguous grief,” can be deeply validating.
• Practice self-compassion. There is no timeline for this type of grief.
• Accept the both/and. A parent can be here and gone at the same time. You can feel hope and sadness simultaneously.
• Create meaning and connection. Journaling, rituals, support groups, and conversations with trusted people can reduce feelings of isolation.
• Focus on what you can control. Small acts of self-care and connection matter when so much feels uncertain.

Many of life’s hardest losses don’t come with funerals, casseroles, or clear endings. They unfold slowly and quietly, often leaving us to carry grief that others cannot see. If you are living with one of these experiences, please know this: your grief is valid, even if it doesn’t fit the traditional definition of loss. You are not alone, and you do not have to navigate it by yourself.

References

Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief. Harvard University Press.

Boss, P. (2006). Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work with Ambiguous Loss. W.W. Norton & Company.

Boss, P. (2021). The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change. W.W. Norton & Company.

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This summer is all about the FIFA World Cup! The World Cup brings together some of the world’s most talented athletes to compete on soccer’s biggest stage. While fans often focus on the physical skill and athleticism on display, the tournament also highlights the mental side of performance—managing pressure, staying focused, bouncing back from mistakes, and performing when the stakes are highest. As we watch the competition unfold this month, there are valuable mental performance lessons that athletes at every level can learn from these moments.

Example 1: Responding to Expectations – France

France entered the tournament as one of the favorites and won their first stage of group play with a  3–1 win over Senegal. For elite teams, success can create its own pressure. Athletes must manage external expectations, media attention, and the fear of underperforming despite being expected to win.

Mental Performance Skill: Managing pressure while maintaining focus on the process rather than the outcome.

Takeaway for Athletes: Sometimes the challenge isn’t proving yourself—it’s continuing to perform when everyone expects success.

Example 2: Staying Present in Close Matches – Norway and Iraq

In World Cup play, not every match is high-scoring or straightforward. Teams often find themselves in tense, low-scoring games where patience and emotional control become critical. Athletes work hard to avoid becoming frustrated and instead stay committed to their game plan.

Mental Performance Skill: Emotional regulation and present-moment focus.

Takeaway for Athletes: The ability to stay calm when results aren’t immediately going your way can be a competitive advantage.

Example 3: Bouncing Back After Setbacks – Senegal

Following a difficult opening match against France, Senegal faces a psychological challenge familiar to many athletes: how to respond after disappointment. The best performers acknowledge setbacks without allowing them to define future performances.

Mental Performance Skill: Resilience and recovery mindset.

Takeaway for Athletes: One performance does not determine the entire season, tournament, or career. The ability to reset often predicts long-term success.

Example 4: Underdogs Playing Freely

Every World Cup features teams competing against nations with more resources, higher rankings, and greater expectations. Yet underdogs often produce surprising performances because they focus on effort, teamwork, and execution rather than external pressure.

Mental Performance Skill: Confidence built through preparation rather than reputation.

Takeaway for Athletes: Confidence doesn’t come from being the favorite—it comes from trusting your preparation.

Example 5: The Mental Side of Representing Your Country

Many players describe the World Cup as the most emotional experience of their careers. Representing their nation can create pride but also significant pressure.

Athletes often rely on:

• Pre and post performance routines

• Breathing exercises

• Visualization

• Self-talk strategies

• Team support systems

Mental Performance Skill: Managing arousal and performance anxiety.

Takeaway for Athletes: Feeling nervous before a big moment is normal. The goal isn’t to eliminate nerves but to perform effectively alongside them.

Example 6: The Mental Challenge of the Next Match

For teams like Argentina, England, Portugal, and others entering their first group-stage matches, one of the biggest psychological challenges is balancing excitement with execution. Athletes must avoid looking ahead to later rounds and instead focus on the task directly in front of them.

Mental Performance Skill: Process orientation.

Takeaway for Athletes: Championship performances are built one moment, one practice, and one competition at a time.

The World Cup magnifies challenges that athletes at every level experience. Whether competing on the world’s biggest stage or preparing for a local competition, the same mental skills—focus, resilience, self-compassion, confidence, and emotional regulation—remain essential for performance and well-being.

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As we wrap up our discussion on The 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating we want to tie together this topic with mental health awareness month.

The connection between eating and health is a strong one.

To reiterate, authors Evelyn Tribole, and Elyse Resch first published their book The 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating in 1995 and since then it has been pivotal  in the world of eating disorder treatment and the anti-diet-culture. Now in its 4th edition, it continues to be a popular and life-changing approach for so many – including us!

Principle 10: Honor Your Health with Gentle Nutrition

May is both a season of blooming and a reminder to tend to our mental well-being. As we recognize Mental Health Awareness Month, there may be no better time to revisit Principle 10 of Intuitive Eating: Honor Your Health with Gentle Nutrition.

For many people, nutrition conversations are filled with rigidity, guilt, anxiety, and perfectionism. But Principle 10 offers a refreshing shift: health is not built on one particular meal, one specific routine, or one particular body size. Instead, it is nurtured through consistent, compassionate choices that support both physical and emotional well-being.

As Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch write:
“Make food choices that honor your health and taste buds while making you feel well. Remember that you don’t have to eat perfectly to be healthy.”

That single sentence captures why gentle nutrition can be so supportive of mental health. It removes the exhausting pressure to “get food right” all the time. Instead of obsessing over every ingredient, calorie, or “clean eating” rule, gentle nutrition encourages flexibility, curiosity, and self-care.

When Nutrition Becomes Stressful

Many people begin their wellness journey with good intentions, only to find themselves trapped in cycles of restriction, guilt, and self-criticism. Food becomes emotionally charged. Meals are judged as “good” or “bad.” Social events create anxiety. Eating turns into something to control rather than something to experience.

Over time, this mentality can negatively affect mental health by increasing:

• Anxiety around food choices
• Shame and guilt after eating
• Obsessive thinking about health or body image
• Disconnection from hunger and fullness cues
• Chronic stress surrounding meals and weight

Principle 10 challenges the idea that health requires a specific set-up of guidelines. Instead, it recognizes that emotional well-being is part of health too.

The authors explain:
“It’s what you eat consistently over time that matters. Progress, not perfection, is what counts.”

This perspective can feel deeply healing for individuals who have spent years trapped in all-or-nothing thinking. One meal does not define your health. One dessert does not ruin your body. One “off” day does not erase your wellness.

Mental health thrives when we loosen the grip of perfectionistic thinking and rigid rules/thoughts.

Gentle Nutrition Is Gentle on the Mind

Gentle nutrition asks a radically different question than diet culture. Instead of:

• “How can I control my eating?”
  it asks:
• “How can I care for myself?”

What Would Your Therapist Say?

That subtle shift matters.

When we approach food from a place of care rather than fear, several things begin to happen:

• Meals become less emotionally overwhelming
• Eating becomes more intuitive and peaceful
• Stress hormones associated with chronic restriction may lessen
• We become more connected to our body’s needs
• Food regains its role as nourishment, pleasure, culture, and connection

This principle also acknowledges something incredibly important for mental health: humans are not robots. Our eating patterns will vary depending on stress, sleep, hormones, schedules, celebrations, grief, illness, and life seasons. Gentle nutrition leaves room for humanity.

Research increasingly shows strong connections between nutrition and mental health. Consistent nourishment can support:

• Mood stability
• Energy levels
• Concentration and cognition
• Emotional regulation
• Sleep quality

But intuitive eating reminds us that nutrition support works best when it is sustainable and non-punitive.

A salad eaten with fear and self-judgment is not emotionally nourishing. A cookie eaten with shame is not a moral failure. Gentle nutrition helps reduce the emotional chaos around food so people can focus on overall well-being instead of constant self-monitoring.

This is especially meaningful during Mental Health Awareness Month, when conversations about wellness often overlook the psychological impact of dieting culture and food rigidity.

What Gentle Nutrition Can Look Like

Gentle nutrition may look like:

• Adding foods that help you feel energized rather than eliminating foods out of fear
• Choosing satisfying meals that contain both nourishment and enjoyment
• Respecting hunger before becoming overly depleted
• Eating regularly to support emotional regulation
• Allowing flexibility during stressful seasons of life
• Understanding that health includes emotional peace around food

It is not about earning food. It is not about punishment. It is not about chasing perfection. It is about building trust with your body.

A Different Definition of Health

Perhaps the most powerful message of Principle 10 is that health is multidimensional. Mental health matters. Emotional peace matters. Enjoyment matters. Flexibility matters.

True wellness cannot grow in an environment of chronic shame.

As Tribole and Resch remind readers throughout Intuitive Eating, healing our relationship with food is not simply about nutrition—it is about reclaiming quality of life.

And maybe that is the heart of gentle nutrition:

Choosing nourishment not because we hate our bodies, but because we care for them.

Resources

• Intuitive Eating Official Website
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) – Mental Health Awareness Month
• Mental Health America – Mental Health Month Resources
• Academy for Eating Disorders
• National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)

Resources:

We keep a full list of resources on anti-diet culture and body dissatisfaction work on our website. Check out our comprehensive list here.

If you feel like you would like to have a further discussion on this topic, please contact our team to schedule a session.

The post 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating – The Final Principle – 10 appeared first on Intuitive Counseling, PLLC.

Intuitive movement is about caring for your body rather than controlling it. Movement becomes an act of support, nourishment, and respect — something you do with your body, not against it.

A quick “nervous system check” before training can help you gauge readiness, coordination, stress, and recovery so you can decide whether to push hard, go moderate, or back off.

Nervous System Readiness Check Questions

• Did I sleep well?
• Do I feel mentally sharp or foggy?
• Am I unusually irritable or anxious?
• Do my movements feel heavy/stiff?
• Am I motivated to train?

If multiple answers are negative, your nervous system may be under-recovered.

Questions to ask yourself for gentle movement

• How does my body feel right now — energized, tired, tense, restless, or stressed?
• Am I choosing movement because I want to care for my body, or because I feel guilty?
• Am I honoring my body’s limits, or trying to push past them?
• How can I create a routine that feels sustainable instead of exhausting?
• How can I celebrate movement for how it makes me feel instead of how it changes my appearance?
• How do I want to feel after moving — calm, strong, energized, relaxed, refreshed?
• What does my body need more of today: activity, stretching, fresh air, rest, or recovery?
• Can I let movement be enough without measuring calories, time, or intensity?

Gentle movement reminds us that our bodies are not machines to constantly fix, punish, or perfect — they are living systems that deserve care, patience, and compassion. By checking in with our nervous system, practicing mindfulness, and setting supportive goals, we create a healthier relationship with movement rooted in respect instead of pressure.  Some days movement may look energizing and challenging, while other days it may mean stretching, resting, or simply slowing down. Every form of care counts. When we learn to listen to our bodies with curiosity instead of judgment, movement becomes more sustainable, empowering, and healing — something that supports both physical and mental well-being for the long term.

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This month we are going to take a deeper dive into principles 8 and 9 this month. Principle 8 – “respecting your body” and 9 – “Movement – feel the difference” are important principles to keep in mind throughout your intuitive eating journey.

To reiterate, authors Evelyn Tribole, and Elyse Resch first published their book The 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating in 1995 and since then it has been pivotal  in the world of eating disorder treatment and the anti-diet-culture. Now in its 4th edition, it continues to be a popular and life-changing approach for so many – including us!

Principle 8 – Respect Your Body

At its core, respecting your body means acknowledging a simple truth: your body deserves dignity right now, not “once it changes.”

This principle often bumps up against years—sometimes decades—of messaging that tells us our bodies are projects to fix. But Intuitive Eating reframes that idea. Instead of striving for a “better” body, you’re invited to care for the body you have today, much like you would care for a home you live in.

What Respect Actually Looks Like

Respecting your body isn’t about suddenly loving every inch of it. It’s more practical and grounded than that:

• Meeting basic needs: eating enough, getting rest, hydrating
• Honoring physical limits: not pushing through pain or exhaustion just to “burn calories”
• Wearing clothes that fit comfortably now, not punishing yourself with too-tight sizes
• Letting go of comparison: your body has its own natural genetic blueprint

A helpful analogy: You wouldn’t berate a friend into thriving—you’d support them. Your body responds the same way.

The Set Point Reality

One of the most difficult parts of this principle is accepting that bodies naturally fall within a weight range influenced by genetics, environment, and biology. Fighting that range through restriction often leads to cycles of loss and regain—along with stress, preoccupation, and reduced well-being.

Respect means working with your biology instead of constantly battling it.

Why This Matters

When you respect your body:

• You reduce the urge to control food obsessively
• You create a foundation for trust
• You make choices based on care—not punishment

And importantly, this principle sets the stage for the next one.

If Principle 8 is about how you see your body, Principle 9 is about how you experience it.

Principle 9: Movement — Feel the Difference

Traditional fitness culture often frames exercise as a tool to change appearance—burn calories, lose weight, “earn” food. Intuitive Eating flips that script entirely. Movement becomes less about outcomes and more about how it feels in your body.

A Shift in Focus

Instead of asking:

• “How many calories did I burn?”Try asking:
• “How do I feel after moving?”

That subtle shift changes everything.

What “Feeling the Difference” Means

When you tune into your body, you start to notice:

• Increased energy after a walk
• Reduced stress after stretching or yoga
• Improved mood after dancing or playing a sport
• Better sleep after gentle, consistent movement

These are immediate, tangible benefits—not distant promises tied to weight loss.

Joyful vs. Punishing Movement

Many people carry exercise baggage—memories of being pushed too hard, judged, or forced into routines they hated. This principle invites you to rebuild movement from scratch.

Joyful movement might look like:

• Walking with a friend
• Shooting hoops
• Swimming
• Gardening
• Dancing in your kitchen

It doesn’t have to be intense to be meaningful.

Permission to Start Where You Are

If you’ve been stuck in an all-or-nothing mindset, this principle offers relief. You don’t need a perfect plan. You don’t need a gym membership. You just need curiosity:

What kind of movement would feel good today?

Even 5–10 minutes of something enjoyable counts—and often leads to more over time.

What Would Your Therapist Say?

Principles 8 and 9 are where Intuitive Eating becomes more than just how you eat—it becomes how you live in your body.

You may not wake up one day suddenly feeling complete peace. But over time, these small shifts accumulate:

• Choosing comfort over criticism
• Choosing movement that energizes instead of depletes
• Choosing respect, even on hard days

And that’s the real transformation—not a number on a scale, but a relationship that feels sustainable, supportive, and genuinely yours.

If you feel like you would like to have a further discussion on this topic, please contact our team to schedule a session.

The post 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating – 8: Respect Your Body AND 9: Movement: Feel the Difference appeared first on Intuitive Counseling, PLLC.

It happened at our local Five Below—one of our usual stops. This time it was just me and my almost five-year-old daughter. We were picking out goodie bag items, checked out, and headed to the car.

As I started to back out (I still don’t trust backup cameras), I glanced back and saw her pulling a piece of candy from her pocket and putting it in her mouth. At first, I didn’t think much of it—my kids always have snacks—but then I paused. Wait… where did that come from?

I put the car in park and asked her. What followed was immediate denial, then anger, then tears. I had a quick internal spiral (“what kind of parent lets this happen?, how should i handle this?”), and I jumped into action mode. My clinical mind told me that this was probably situation where she really didn’t understand that the loose candy in the open bin was for purchase, so I didn’t have a concern about moral development, although she did know to conceal it in her pocket and not show it to me. Despite that, I wanted her to know that as her mother I would take this seriously and make a wrong into a right.

I chose to take her back inside to repair the situation. I explained, simply, that taking something without paying isn’t okay, and that we were going to fix it together. She was scared and didn’t want to talk to the employee, so we agreed I would do the talking and she would say “sorry.”

We went back in, found the manager, and explained what happened. My daughter apologized. I offered to pay, but the manager kindly let it go. We left—both a little shaken, but okay.

On the way home, she asked me not to tell her brothers or dad. I told her I wouldn’t tell her brothers, but we would tell her dad together—which we did later that day. And then we moved on.

Afterward, I couldn’t help but second-guess myself. So I turned to Becky Kennedy and her “Good Inside” approach.

Her perspective reframed everything:

• Stealing isn’t a character flaw—it’s a skill gap.
  Young kids often struggle with impulse control and don’t yet know how to handle strong wants.
• Behavior is a clue, not a verdict.
  The goal isn’t punishment—it’s teaching.

What stood out most to me:

• Stay calm (even when you want to react)
• Connect before correcting
• Be clear: “We don’t take things that aren’t ours”
• Focus on repair, not shame
• Remind your child: you’re a good kid who made a mistake

Looking back, I’m not sure I handled it perfectly—but I do feel good that we:

• stayed connected
• made it right
• and didn’t turn it into a defining moment about who she is

Instead, it became a moment about what she’s learning.

I’d love to hear—how would you have handled this? Email me at leigh@thintuitivecounselinggroup.com.

Resources:

“The Good Inside” – Dr. Becky Kennedy

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This spring we continue our journey through breaking down the 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating. I’d like to continue that voyage with you and pick up where we left off and dive deeper into principle 6 (Discover the Satisfaction Factor) and 7 (Cope with Your Emotions Through Kindness).

To reiterate, authors Evelyn Tribole, and Elyse Resch first published their book The 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating in 1995 and since then it has been pivotal  in the world of eating disorder treatment and the anti-diet-culture. Now in its 4th edition, it continues to be a popular and life-changing approach for so many – including us!

Principle 6 — Discover the satisfaction factor

What this means simply put…

• Satisfaction = pleasure + permission + context. It’s not about “treating” yourself once in a while; it’s about making eating enjoyable enough that it feels complete.
• When meals are satisfying, cravings and “binge” urges usually decrease.

Signs you’re missing satisfaction

• You finish a meal and still feel driven to keep eating.
• You focus on only one food (e.g., “I need chocolate”) and ignore everything else.
• You feel guilty when you enjoy food, or you eat quickly without noticing the taste.

Quick 6-step satisfaction practice (10–15 minutes)

Continue until you feel comfortably satisfied, not stuffed.

Choose something you genuinely want (not just “should”).

Before you eat, pause 30 seconds: breathe, look at the food, and give yourself permission to enjoy it.

Take one deliberate, moderate-sized bite. Notice texture, temperature, taste — name one detail (“that’s sweet and nutty”).

Chew slowly and breathe between bites. Aim for at least 10–15 chews per bite.

After three bites, pause and rate satisfaction 0–10. If it’s below a 6, ask: would a change (more salt, sauce, different texture) help?

Ideas to increase satisfaction

• Set the scene: use a real plate, sit at a table, turn off screens or choose to eat with someone you enjoy.
• Add variety: combine flavors and textures (crunch + creamy, savory + sweet).
• Portion intentionally: serve a portion you expect will satisfy you rather than eating straight from the package.
• Savor rituals: start with a small sensory cue (a deep breath, a four-second look at the food) to shift into eating mode.

Troubleshooting common problems

– “I still overeat.” Check pace (eat slower), portion size, and whether you were truly hungry before starting.

– “I feel guilty.” Practice a short self-compassion script: “It makes sense I would want to enjoy this. Enjoyment doesn’t mean failure.”

– “I can’t focus on food.” Start with tiny steps — one minute of mindful noticing and build up.

Principle 7 — Cope with your emotions with kindness (practical tools)

What this means simply

• Food can numb or soothe feelings; Principle 7 helps you notice that and develop other ways to care for yourself.
• This isn’t about rigid rules; it’s about learning what you need in the moment and choosing from a range of caring responses.

How to tell emotional hunger from physical hunger (quick checklist)

Emotional hunger tends to be:

• Sudden
• Craving a specific food
• Urgent and hard to postpone
• Not satisfied by a full meal

Physical hunger tends to be:

• Builds gradually
• Open to many foods
• Satisfied when you’re full

5-step coping plan (useable anywhere)

1. Pause: Put the food down or stop reaching for it for 30 seconds.

2. Breathe: Take 3 slow breaths to create a small space.

3. Name it: Say to yourself, “I’m noticing [bored/lonely/angry/tired].”

4. Choose: Pick one non-food coping action for 10 minutes (call a friend, walk, grounding exercise, do a crossword).

5. Reassess: After 10 minutes, check your emotion and hunger. Decide gently whether to eat and, if you do, use the satisfaction steps above.

Urge-surfing (brief version)

– Notice the craving as a sensation (tight chest, rumbling).

– Say silently: “This is an urge. It will change.”

– Focus on breath or count to 10 until the urge drops by even 1–2 points.

Self-compassion phrases to practice

– “It’s okay to feel this. I’m allowed to take care of myself.”

– “I’m doing the best I can right now.”

– Use a physical cue (hand on heart) when you say the phrase.

When to reach out for more support

• If emotional eating comes with severe shame, frequent loss of control, or if your eating patterns are causing health problems, consider working with a therapist who specializes in eating issues.
• If you have a history of an eating disorder, these practices are best used with professional guidance.

Final notes — be curious, not strict

– The goal isn’t perfect control; it’s learning what helps you feel satisfied and cared for.

– We don’t want to rid ourselves of all emotional eating instances – eating emotionally is a part of life, but let’s be mindful of the intention behind it (i.e. are we celebrating a birthday with cake or eating a food item out of an emotion we are uncomfortable with)

– Small experiments and gentle curiosity are how you’ll discover what works for you.

– Celebrate small wins: a meal that truly satisfies, choosing a coping skill that helps, or noticing urges with less judgment.

All content adapted from The 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating by Elise Resch and Evelyn Tribole

If you feel like you would like to have a further discussion on this topic, please contact our team to schedule a session.

The post 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating – 6: Discover the Satisfaction Factor AND 7: Cope with Your Emotions Through Kindness appeared first on Intuitive Counseling, PLLC.

A Guide to Setting Realistic Year-Round Goals

Winter and spring often feels like a clean slate and a time when we promise ourselves big changes: “I’ll cut out sugar completely.” ~ “I’ll lose 20 pounds by Spring.” ~ “I’ll cook every meal at home.”

Sound familiar? Many people start with ambitious goals like “I’ll work out every day” or “I’ll never eat fried food again.” While these intentions come from a good place, they often lead to unnecessary stress and disappointment.

Why Realistic Goals Matter

Setting goals is one of the most powerful ways to create healthy habits and the way we set them up can make or break our success.

Missing a workout or enjoying dessert should never feel like failure. In fact, guilt and shame can make healthy habits harder to maintain. When we tie our self-worth to rigid rules, we create an all or nothing mindset that can backfire. Instead of helping us feel better, it leaves us frustrated and discouraged.

Your mental well-being is just as important as your physical health, and unrealistic expectations can harm both. Flexible, achievable goals allow you to stay consistent without feeling deprived or overwhelmed. It’s important to remember that life happens—busy schedules, family commitments, social events, and unexpected changes. A plan that bends instead of breaks will help keep you moving forward.

Five Dietitian-Approved Tips for Setting Goals That Stick

1. Start Small and Build Up
Big changes can feel overwhelming, so begin with simple, manageable steps. Small wins build confidence and momentum. These small habits may seem minor, but they add up over time. Think of them as building blocks for long-term success:
✔ Add an extra serving of vegetables to lunch
✔ Drink one more glass of water each day
✔ Include a protein source at breakfast

2. Make Goals Specific and Measurable
Vague goals like “eat healthier” or “exercise more” sound good in theory, but they’re difficult to track and easy to abandon because they lack clarity and structure. When goals aren’t specific, it’s hard to know what success looks like or how to measure progress. Instead, focus on creating clear, actionable targets that are measurable, and time bound. For example, rather than saying “eat healthier,” set a goal like “include at least one serving of vegetables at lunch and dinner every day.” Instead of “exercise more,” try to “walk for 30 minutes three days a week.” These kinds of goals give you a concrete plan, make progress visible, and help you stay motivated over time:
✔ “Pack a lunch for work three days a week.”
✔ “Limit sugary drinks to the weekends.”
✔ “Add a piece of fruit to my afternoon snack.”

3. Plan for Real Life
Your goals should work with your lifestyle. If your schedule is packed or cooking isn’t your thing, don’t force habits that feel unrealistic. Instead, focus on strategies that simplify your day, like prepping easy snacks, choosing quick recipes, or finding short workouts you actually enjoy. Flexibility is what makes habits stick. When your plan fits naturally into your routine, staying consistent becomes much easier and success feels achievable.

4. Focus on Balance, Not Restriction
Rather than cutting out foods you love, focus on adding more nourishing options to your day. This positive approach feels less restrictive and far more sustainable. For example, instead of saying “no dessert ever,” try “I’ll include a serving of fruit with my afternoon snack.” True balance means enjoying your favorite treats without guilt while still prioritizing nutrition.

5. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection
Every positive change counts. Acknowledge your wins, big or small, and use them as motivation to keep going. Did you drink more water today? Great! Cook at home twice this week instead of three? Still a success. Consistency matters more than perfection, and progress is what leads to lasting results.

As we step into the Spring, remember that lasting health changes come from setting goals that are realistic, measurable, and meaningful to you. Small, consistent steps can lead to big results over time. Celebrate progress, not perfection, and keep your focus on building habits that support your well-being for the long term.

Quick Goal Ideas for the New Year

✅ Drink a glass of water before your morning coffee
✅ Add one extra vegetable to lunch or dinner
✅ Pack a balanced snack for work (fruit + protein)
✅ Take a 10-minute walk after lunch
✅ Try one new recipe each week
✅ Practice mindful eating—pause before meals and check in with hunger cues

The post How are those New Year, New Habits Going? appeared first on Intuitive Counseling, PLLC.

This last spring and summer and started the journey through breaking down the 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating. I’d like to continue that voyage with you and pick up where we left off and dive deeper into principle 4 (Challenge the Food Police) and 5 (Feel Your Fullness).

Just to quickly reiterate, authors Evelyn Tribole, and Elyse Resch first published their book The 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating in 1995 and since has been pivotal  in the world of eating disorder treatment and the anti-diet-culture. Now in its 4th edition, it continues to be a popular and life-changing approach for so many – including us!

Who are the food police?

For many of us we may have an image in our mind of an elder who would emphasize good and bad foods. This may be your reality, but ultimately, the food police are the internalized voices of diet culture and were also impressed upon the generations before us. They enforce harsh rules:

• “You should eat less today.”
• “That snack is bad.”
• “You don’t deserve to eat that.”

Tribole and Resch describe these voices as “the loudest barrier to self-trust.”

Why Challenging the Food Police Matters

When the Food Police run the show:

• You feel shame instead of curiosity
• You eat based on rules instead of needs
• You disconnect from hunger and fullness

The book emphasizes that quieting these voices allows your “Nurturer voice” to emerge — the part of you that supports your body rather than punishing it. Rather than harshly judging foods as healthy or unhealthy or good vs. bad, encourage yourself to see all foods as equal. Foods are all created with different nutrients, and that is a good thing. Our body doesn’t know the difference between an apple and a chocolate bar, just that it absorbs and uses nutrients from those food items for different reasons. Once we take the power away from the food then it has less hold on us.

Why Challenging the Food Police Matters

This principle can be a bit our abstract, therefore it can be more difficult to put into practice. One of the primary focus areas of this principle is to understand interoceptive awareness.

What Interoceptive Awareness Is

The book describes it simply as “the ability to perceive physical sensations.” An easy example is to realize that your body gives you the signal that you need to go to the bathroom, so you listen and go.

Interoceptive awareness allows you to detect:

• hunger
• fullness
• satisfaction
• emotional shifts
• energy changes
• tension or calm

Diet culture weakens this awareness by teaching you to look outward — at rules, portions, calories, macros — instead of inward. Rebuilding interoceptive awareness is a core goal of Intuitive Eating.

Feeling your fullness is about noticing:

• comfort
• satisfaction
• slowing interest in food
• stomach sensations

But to notice fullness, you need interoceptive awareness.

Stimulus Control and How Screens Disrupt Interoceptive Awareness

Stimulus control is a behavioral concept that refers to changing your environment or routines to make certain behaviors easier and others less likely. In eating psychology, this often means creating surroundings that support eating with awareness rather than automatically or reactively. For example, we do not recommend eating while driving, watching screens, or truly, multitasking at all. Now, we are realistic here at Intuitive Counseling, so we understand and also practice this in moderation. We are all so busy, but if you feel there is a problem with your relationship with food, we encourage you to consider some of these tips.

1. Screens steal attention
When your attention is on scrolling, streaming, or gaming, fewer mental resources remain to sense fullness.

2. Screens reduce sensory engagement
Taste, texture, aroma, pacing — these are essential to noticing fullness and satisfaction.

3. Screens encourage autopilot eating
Without natural pauses, it’s easy to overshoot comfortable fullness.

4. Screens interfere with memory of eating
Research cited in the book shows that distraction reduces “meal memory,” leading to increased hunger later.

Short supporting quote: “Distraction interferes with fullness awareness.”

Supporting Fullness Awareness in Real Life

You don’t need rigid rules. You simply need practices that support connection:

Before eating:

• One slow breath
• “Where is my hunger right now?”

During eating:

• Set your utensil down once or twice
• Sit hands in your lap for a moment or two
• Ask: “Is this still satisfying?”

If using screens:

• Choose low-stimulation content
• Plate your food
• Pause halfway for a check-in

This is not about discipline — it’s about strengthening the ability to hear your body.

How Principles 4 and 5 Work Together

• Challenging the Food Police reduces judgment.
• Reduced judgment increases internal safety.
• Internal safety enhances interoceptive awareness.
• Interoceptive awareness supports hunger and fullness recognition.
• Hunger and fullness recognition rebuild body trust.

As the book states: “These principles work together, not in a straight line.”

If you feel like you would like to have a further discussion on this topic, please contact our team to schedule a session.

The post 10 Principals of Intuitive Eating – 4: Challenge the Food Police AND 5: Feel Your Fullness appeared first on Intuitive Counseling, PLLC.

The holidays are a time of celebration, connection, and—let’s be honest—a lot of delicious food! From festive gatherings to cozy family dinners, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the abundance of treats and traditions.

If your relationship with food feels tricky this time of year, you are not alone. From pressure to indulge to comments about food and body, the holidays can be especially challenging. In this issue, we’ll explore some gentle, judgment-free ways to approach holiday meals, prioritize emotional well-being, and find balance between nourishment and enjoyment.

1. Plan Ahead with Intention

Prior to socializing, anticipate potential triggers—whether it’s certain foods, environments, or conversations—and create a coping plan. This might include:

• Preparing responses in advance to diet talk and body comments
• Scheduling regular check-ins with your therapist, dietitian or support group
• Setting an intention such as “I want to focus on meaningful conversations” or “I want to honor my body’s nutritional needs with both fun and functional foods”
• Bringing a supportive friend or “holiday buddy” to events and gatherings to help you stay on track with your goals and intentions

2. Set Boundaries Around Food and Body Talk

Food and body comments like “I’ll have to work this off tomorrow” or “You’re so good for skipping dessert” can be triggering. You have the right to redirect or disengage from these conversations. Try responses like:

• “Let’s take a break from food talk. What’s something you’re grateful for this year?”
• “All foods can fit—I’m just here to enjoy the moment.”
• “Let’s talk about something more fun—what’s been the highlight of your week?

3. Practice Mindful Grounding Exercises

When anxiety rises around food, grounding techniques can help you stay in the present moment. The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique before a meal or event can be an effective way to reconnect with your body, calm your mind, and approach eating with more intention—especially if your relationship with food feels complicated. This practice helps shift your focus from anxious or critical thoughts to the present moment. It can also help you eat more mindfully, reduce emotional eating, and foster a sense of calm and self-compassion before your meal. Here’s how to use it:

Find a quiet moment before eating—just 1–2 minutes. Pause and take a deep breath. Then, go through your senses and identify:

→5 things you can see: Look around and name five things in your environment.

→4 things you can touch: Notice the texture of your clothing, the chair, or the table.

→3 things you can hear: Listen for subtle sounds, maybe a hum, a voice, or the clink of silverware

→2 things you can smell: Tune into the aroma of the food or any surrounding scents.

→1 thing you can taste: If you haven’t started eating yet, notice the taste in your mouth, take a slow sip of water or pop a breath mint in your mouth.

4. Honor Your Nutritional Needs Without Justification

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your food choices. Whether you choose to eat a holiday treat or pass on a dish, your decisions are valid. You don’t have to eat (or avoid eating) to please others. Tune into your body’s signals and give yourself permission to eat in a way that feels safe and nourishing to you.

5. Embrace Food Flexibility and Self-Compassion

Perfection with food is not the goal—progress is. If a meal doesn’t go as planned, that’s okay. Be kind to yourself and reflect on what you might do differently next time. Eating is meant to be flexible, and practicing an adaptable approach to nutrition encourages balanced choices without rigid rules.

You deserve peace with food this season and as the holidays unfold, remember that food is just one part of the celebration. Embracing a flexible, balanced approach to nutrition will help you enjoy festive meals, honor your body’s needs, and stay connected to what truly matters; joy, connection, and tradition. By letting go of rigid expectations and practicing self-compassion, you can nourish both your body and your mind this holiday season.

The post Navigating Food During the Holidays: 5 Tips for Surviving the Season appeared first on Intuitive Counseling, PLLC.